Re: [TANGO-L] Rejections

[astrid <astrid @RUBY.PLALA.OR.JP>]

Brian wrote:

 An alternative perspective might be: she may not be lying, she may in fact
be noticing her
> very real foot pain because the non-connected dance wasn't powerful enough
> to distract her attention from the pain. ... My impression is that they
endure pain in
> order to roll the dice for the chance at a beautiful dance, which will
> temporarily move their attention from the pain to the sweet connection
with
> their partner.
> In this case, she may be telling the truth about her pain sensations, AND
it
> would still make sense for her to be dancing the next dance with someone
> else,  because...it's another roll of the dice - maybe this dance WILL
> distract her from her pain...>
I'm just speculating here, and would welcome any follower's feedback.



As a woman, I think, it is a rather far fetched idea, that women should
dance more in order to distract themselves from footpain (which was brought
on by dancing in the first place). I think, a much more likely explanation
is, and that may also go for the lady who rejected someone because o "a sore
back", that some men bring on or aggravate a woman's pain by the way they
dance, and some don't. As simple as that.
 I once had private lessons with a dance teacher, who started his dance
education at the age of five. He always stretched the importance of having
"perfect balance at all times"to me. He was very tall, so I wore my highest
heels, and danced with him for one or two hours every day. The amazing thing
was, my feet never hurt! Maybe for ten minutes after the lesson, but by the
time I had changed my shoes, the pain was already gone.
While there are other men who put weight on me, which goes right down on my
already hard working arch and severely aggravates the strain of dancing in
high heels. There are men, who will not let me finish my pivot properly, and
pull me of balance at the end of it, when they start their next step too
soon. This also distributes the weight on my pivoting foot unevenly, and
causes strain. There are men who will lean on me, or throw me off my axis
during turns, giving me a lower backache after half a song,  which then gets
more uncomfortable every minute (women's bodies are not made for carrying
men, not even for half of every minute, and especially not, when the lady is
wearing high heels. Women also do not like to be pulled and thrown around in
circles, it pulls the muscles of her back and makes her feel like he is
treating her like a wet towel.)
The way to deal with these men, is to smile noncommittally and say "Thank
you" after one song. Or, if one already knows, that this is what they tend
to do, to politely decline their invitations to dance, til they have become
better dancers. It is not even necessary to tell them "My back hurts/ My
foot hurts".
But if a woman declines a dance with a certain man, he should think about
what he can improve in order to make himself a more desirable dance partner,
instead of planning revenge for having his ego insulted.

Sorry for bringing on more misery for the rejectees, but taking these things
into consideration can only improve your situation in the long run. And
Brian, you wanted feedback, right ?
Astrid

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