[TANGO-L] Rejection-Hypersensitivity & the arithmetic of Social Tango

[Arthur Greenberg <AHGberg @AOL.COM>]

Hi Listeros:
Hyper-sensitivity to declinations when one is asked to dance can be  a
devastating  psychological blow, depending on the circumstances.  A simple, "No
Thank you!" should be adequate.  Sometimes, however,  it is far from adequate.
One should use a declination IMHO as carefully as one would use bullets in a
pistol to discharge into the forehead of unsuspecting victims.
First, let me observe that all declinations are not given (meant to be) as
"rejections" and I would suggest that neophytes in the social environment be
better prepared for acceptances as well as declinations (or vice versa).  If one
is really very sensitive it is quite understandable that the person who
receives a declination takes it as a personal insult......and why not?  It  is a
very personal act to approach another person at a dance and request a dance!
Holding a person in an "abrazo" should be considered (if you haven't given it
much thought) as quite a personal thing.  There are people who need to gather a
large quantity of "resolve" before they can get up enough courage to ask
another person to dance, particularly in a public place (as  a milonga), and one
needs (is required) to introduce them-selves to the new person in this
encounter.  Many long-experienced dancers might take the touching of another person's
body "for granted".  Well I would advise those dancers to "rethink" their
attitude and perhaps make an adjustment in just how casual  ( intensity) they
should  be when  contemplating  more deeply on this subject.

THE ARITHMETIC OF SOCIAL TANGO
I rarely decline a person who asks!  I am considered as an excellent leader
by most of the ladies.  This is part of the problem.  I have only a certain
limited amount of stamina to  bring to the dance floor.  My limit on the evening
at a Milonga is perhaps 15 to 18 Tangos.
I  have come to  know the names of at least 25 eligible women (followers) who
attend our milongas on a regular basis.   Obviously there is a numerical
shortage.  I  usually attend a milonga with my wife and another very close friend
of my wife's.  I get severe complaints from my wife should I not dance at
least 1/3 of the Tangos with her and I do not question her right to let me know of
her dissatisfaction.  I need to dance at least 1/3 of the dances with my
wife's friend. That leaves only a half dozen (aprox 6) dances left for all other
ladies.  There are at least 6 ladies that I really am required to dance with
and with whom I have a nice dance relationship with.  That leaves some
substantial number of ladies who I  am  obliged to apoligize to at the end of the
evening (for failing to dance with them) and promise to do better next week (or the
next time I meet them) .

I present  the above simply as an observation; certainly not as a complaint.
I  also do not seek a remedy.  I take my vitamins daily and try to get enough
rest.  I promise to try to do better and keep myself in better condition so
my Tango encounters will be enjoyable to "the last drop"!  Honestly, Ladies!  I
 do the best I can!

Sincerely,
Arturo
West Palm Beach, Florida, USA
P.S.  I will be 72 on my next birthday!

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