Re: [TANGO-L] Tango and rudeness

[Brian Dunn <Brian @DANCEOFTHEHEART.COM>]

Luda wrote:
>>>
I have been told by some of my friends, and have
experienced it first hand, that tango seems to attract
some of the rudest people in the world. I have NEVER
run into such rude behavior in any other social
situation. Why is it that the tango scene tolerates
it?...If tango is supposed to be a metaphor for life, as
some people believe, then it would explain some of
this weird behavior. Maybe. If you're a nice person in
real life, it will show up in tango. And if you're an
SOB in real life, that will show up in tango, too.
<<<

I think you're right that your personality comes out in your tango - but it
seems to me that tango is actually a "personality amplifier."  What in other
less-intimate contexts would be considered little flaws are amplified in
tango to the level of truly unbearable behavior...there is a vulnerability
that we take on in tango, sharing personal space and dropping our
boundaries.  It's such a great opportunity to explore really inhabiting the
masculine and feminine essences in ourselves, and many people are really
attracted to the promise of that. Sadly, many also "overshoot" sometimes in
the attempt to really go for it in tango's socially permissive
setting...and, from what I've heard and seen, most of the overshooters are
guys.


>>>
I had an experience recently where a  man said
something ugly to me in a class before we had even
taken a single step together. I didn't know him from
Adam. Never met the guy before. He was in a bad mood
that day, obviously, but why take it out on the dance
partner? I instinctively turned around on my heel and
just walked away from him. How else do you protect
yourself from such boorish behavior?
<<<
Sounds like the perfect solution to me.  I have heard that for a woman to
walk away from a partner in a milonga in mid-song is the ultimate rebuke,
especially because in a milonga "everybody sees everything."

In the old days in Argentina, if the men in a community determined that a
guy was behaving badly and bothering "their" women, they'd get together and
work him over out back to teach him a lesson.  While some may rejoice at
this image, this "tango vigilante" approach has its own dark side,
apparently.  Stories have circulated of "the men" ganging up in various ways
to get rid of a new guy who is winning favor with some of "their" women with
novel moves or new approaches to the dance (Juan Bruno, 1940's), or is even
just attractively younger (Roberto Reis, 1980's).  I suppose the cure can in
some cases be worse than the disease.

Open-hearted tangos to all,

Brian Dunn
Dance of the Heart
Boulder, Colorado  USA
1(303)938-0716
http://www.danceoftheheart.com