Re: [TANGO-L] Cabeceo

[Jay Rabe <jayrabe @HOTMAIL.COM>]

    I agree with Mark that it's surprising that so many people have such
stong feelings against the cabeceo. OTOH I certainly agree that when it's
done as a command or a demand, as was described in another post, then it
does completely lose it's charm.

    I think part of the problem is that in the US, women don't usually make
sustained eye contact, even when they're interested in a man. To do so could
brand them as "forward" or (worse) "easy." Instead there's a
look-for-a-moment-then-look-away coquetishness. A woman friend told me the
only time she makes sustained eye contact with a strange man is when she's
angry and being confrontational, ie. "getting in his face."
    In Latin countries the women are more bold and perhaps more
self-assured (recall the comments about being more comfortable with their
bodies) so eye contact is not a threat.

    It's true that dim lighting and poor eyesight make it difficult across
a room. A technique I learned (by watching a local) and subsequently used
successfully was to walk around the room, and as I approached a woman I
wanted to dance with, I just looked at her (now from close range), and if
she looked up and met my gaze, I would nod towards the floor in invitation.
If she didn't notice or look at me, I just kept walking. It IS an elegant
method, IMO.

    J in Portland


----Original Message Follows----
From: Mark Rector <rmarkrector @YAHOO.COM>
Reply-To: Mark Rector <rmarkrector @YAHOO.COM>
To: TANGO-L @MITVMA.MIT.EDU
Subject: [TANGO-L] Cabeceo
Date: Mon, 13 Jan 2003 09:14:54 -0800

I continue to be surprised to learn that Americans are
resistant to and threatened by something as simple and
charming as the "cabeceo".

What could be more natural at a Milonga (and in life!)
than to be engaged with other people by making eye
contact?

What could be more gracious than expressing an
invitation to dance and accepting or declining through
the simple expedient of a look?

What could be more mortifying to a man than to cross a
crowded room to invite somebody to dance, only to be
turned down? What could be more embarassing to both
parties than to turn somebody down who had made that
trek?

What could be more brusque than a man walking up to a
woman and peremptorily extending his hand to her, as
if demanding a dance...often without even looking at
her at all?!

Are Americans resistant to the cabeceo because they
fear and misunderstand the "intimacy" of eye-contact?

Cheers! -Mark


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