[TANGO-L] Cabeceo-Eye contact and head nodding from a distance

[Arthur Greenberg <AHGberg @AOL.COM>]

Hi Listeros:

Some things work well, sometimes!  Somethings work not so well,  more
frequently! Some things just don't work at all any time! No how! No way!
Never ever at all!

I discussed this  eye contact procedure many times with my group of beautiful
ladies who are entirely near-sighted, sit adjacent to me, and certainly do
not wear their eye-glasses (spectacles) at a milonga.  They tell me that they
cannot see  clearly anything farther than 5 or 10 feet away.....so if a
nodding and staring gentlemen is  farther than that distance  this procedure
is futile!  They simply cannot see him.  So now what?

In addition, please note that  at some Milongas  they turn down the lights to
achieve a more romantic environment.  I am not exactly sure that turning down
lights is  helpful in the cabaceo procedure.  You cannot see someone at a
distance in the dark! Eye contact is out of the question!  It just ain't
gonna work!

Then there are dance floors where the tables and chairs are only on one side,
the opposite being devoid of seating or standiing room....so looking across
the room to catch  one's eye simply is non existant;  there isn't any one
across the room! The ladies are mostly  facing the  dance floor and most of
the men are  (seated or standing) behind them.  So you must abandon the
subtle method and go for the daring approach and risk being "declined"!  If
you are declined don't take it seriously.  Come back later! There are usually
many more ladies who want to dance and you must get to them to ask!

Then there are the Milongas who have large pillars in various places adjacent
the floor that block the view of other people sitting adjacent the dance
floor.  One cannot see "through  or around the obstructing pillars".

Last night I wanted to dance with a lady who was seated near the dance floor
and I came up behind her from behind a pillar near  where she was seated.  I
reached out and touched her on the arm!  She was so startled that she nearly
jumped out of her skin!  She was nearsighted, a little hard of hearing and
was lost in her thoughts.  I should have gone around to the dance floor and
approached her from "on the dance floor rather than at that bad  angle from
behind the pole!   Phew!  That first way didn't work to well!  Do not sneak
up on anyone who startles easily.  You never know what to expect from the
lady!

Some of the ladies simply come up to me and grab me to go out on the dance
floor.  Aggressive?  Yes!  I can't say that I do not enjoy it!  After you
have danced 500 tangos with a lady  over a period of years she seems to take
it for granted  (and rightly so) that I will be receptive to her aggressive
approach to express her desire to dance!  In my humble opinion....she's right
in her assumptions! This does not, however,  work for everyone!

Lucky me!  I will dance until I drop!  It's a tough life ...but someone has
to do the dirty work! ;)

So not everything works all the time! You do the best you can and try to be
sincere, open and "mean well". There is an assumption that most people who
attend  a Milonga come to participate in the dancing....but that is not
entirely true.  Some attend simply to watch the activities and are satisfied
not to participate in the dancing.  They are content to sit and relax and
drink their wine and to socialize within the "friendly social atmosphere".

Regards,
Arturo
West Palm Beach, Florida, USA

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