Re: [TANGO-L] The Cabeceo/Asking someone to dance.

["St. Thomas, Carlene" <CarleneStThomas @DWT.COM>]

I've seen many teachers in workshops and classes teach the cabeceo.  Sure,
great if you're going to B.A. ("when in Rome...."), but realistically many
tango dancers won't see B.A. because of time/money reasons (or have no
desire to go as long as the B.A. teachers keep coming to us).  I've heard
many of the students say that they see this as a silly, icebreaker game -
not to be taken seriously.  Many beginners find it awkward.

I personally have a definite love/hate relationship with the cabeceo.

Hate:

This has happened to me several times:  A lead walks up to the area where
I'm sitting, makes eye contact with me and snaps his head towards the dance
floor (god, that looked like it hurt!).  I'm thinking two things at once,
"Hey, he's asking you to dance." and "Huh?  What the hell is wrong with
him?"  I am not excited that this experienced lead has asked me to dance,
but rather, I feel slightly insulted.  My read on this head/neck snapping
gesture is "Hey, get out here, NOW!"  It smacks of disrespect.

I understand the cabeceo as more of a slower head movement, like a nod
rather than a head snap.  Am I wrong, List?

Love:

Times that the cabeceo has worked to my advantage is when I DID NOT want to
dance with someone in particular.  I saw this lead (who, when he's not
staring at his follows as if putting them "under his spell", is watching
their chests) coming towards me out of the corner of my eye.  I turned my
head, made eye contact with him, slowly and discretely shook my head "no",
and then looked away - subtle, but worked like a charm.  Saved both of us an
awkward moment.

I've used the cabeceo in asking someone I know across the room to dance.  I
make eye contact with him, smile a gentle "hello" and slowly tilt my head
towards the dance floor (sometimes with the addition of gently raised
eyebrows).  I'm sure a woman asking a man in this way is  not appropriate in
B.A., but elsewhere okay. (Yes? No? List?)

Cabeceo aside, what always works for me is a lead who MAKES HIS WAY to me
(across the room or through the tables or both), slowly extends his hand,
and asks me to dance.  Be still my heart....there's something yummy about a
lead making an effort in asking a woman to dance.  I'm not saying this is
the ONLY way or the RIGHT way, just the way I find most pleasing.

*****

If you can't make the cabeceo attractive, inviting, even sexy; then don't do
it at all.  I strongly feel that the cabeceo, like other tango moves, should
be perfected, alone, in front of the mirror.  Then take it to the dance
floor.

Maybe we could look at the cabeceo like foreplay.  It's the "warm up" for
better things to come.  It's the prelude to the embrace and the rest of the
dance.  It really is part of the total tango package.  What do YOU think
Dear List?

Carlene
Portland, Oregon


P.S. Here's a plug for our upcoming ValenTango.  Come visit us for this
fantastic weekend of classes and dancing.  You won't be disappointed with
this event.  http://home.europa.com/~walsup/tango/#valentines. Come dance
with us!

I'll be watching for your cabeceo.  ;)

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