[TANGO-L] art of the cabeceo

[Janis Kenyon <jantango @FEEDBACK.NET.AR>]

Cabeceo (nod of the head) is how one invites and acknowledges a partner for
a tanda in the milongas of Buenos Aires.  It's not as easy as a verbal
request at a table, but a man doesn't have time for this.  By the time he
has walked across the floor to invite a woman, she could already be dancing.
Or worse yet, she could refuse him.

My favorite milonga is on Saturday afternoon.  This milonga usually has at
least a few milongueros, because Daniel provides the best music in BsAs.
The regulars all have a reserved table.  I arrived too late last Saturday to
get a front row table.  In fact, there were almost no chairs left when I
arrived at 7:00.  I was seated with a couple I know; he's a milonguero.  It
was a hot afternoon, and the air conditioners and fans couldn't compete with
the 200+ dancers who were keeping the temperature up.

I had my first dances with Alito for the salsa/merengue tanda.  While we
were on the floor, I happened to notice another milonguero Jose Alberto
seated at a table.  I was hoping he would look in my direction for the next
tanda, and he did.  However, when he nodded to me, the woman seated in front
of me thought he was looking at her.  She got up and walked towards him on
the floor, and there was nothing I could do about it.  I stayed in my chair,
knowing that he would dance with her.  Why?  Because milongueros are
gentlemen.  He gave me an indication that we would dance later.  This wasn't
the first time I had a tanda taken from me by another woman.  And it won't
be the last.  I know there will always be another tanda to dance.  I hadn't
danced with Jose Alberto for months.  When the next tanda began, we made eye
contact through a maze of people, and we danced.

A few minutes later while we were chatting during the tanda, I noticed a
younger man in his 30s (possibly a foreigner since I had never seen him
before) approach a woman who was already waiting on the edge of the dance
floor.  She was expecting to dance with him, but he explained to her that he
had invited another woman to dance and pointed her out.  Then the woman
returned to her table, and the man danced with the other woman.  This is an
uncomfortable situation for a woman, but I have seen it happen regularly.
When there are two or three times as many women as men, there is stiff
competition to dance.  And besides you are certain that he was looking at
you.

The cabeceo takes practice.  It takes right timing and a sharp eye.  One can
avoid an awkward situation by learning patience.  Give the man time walk
across the floor.  He will make eye contact with you to confirm his signal.
The cabeceo isn't fool-proof, but ladies, it's the only way you can get to
dance with the best of Buenos Aires.

Pichi de Buenos Aires