Re: [TANGO-L] Inside a Beginner Man's Mind

[Carol Shepherd <shepherd @arborlaw.com>]

Bob and Beginner Men:

THANK YOU for putting this in perspective!  Here's the woman's reality:
I appreciate ANY MAN who is trying to learn ANY DANCE.  I am so
impressed with the guys who choose AT...AT is the most fun, the most
sexy, the most
physical, the most intellectual, the most creative dance...but it is
also THE TOUGHEST DANCE...huge learning curve if you are new to dancing.

Everyone forgets what it's like to be a beginner.  It's like your golf
swing, fifty things to concentrate on all at the same time!  People can
only pay attention to one thing at once, the feet, then comes the arms,
the frame, the lead.  Ladies if you have never tried to lead, well you
should take a lesson or two, it will immediately change your attitude
about how easy and obvious the man's job is.

I agree the best way for ladies to give feedback is to always ASK first.
 Your first choice should always be to suggest that you both go to the
teacher with a question--this is the most diplomatic and polite and
easiest on the guy's feelings.  Even if you really know what's going on
and what would help, you STILL ALWAYS ASK FIRST--and really nicely: "I
have an idea that might help, would you like some feedback?"

That lets the leader say yes or no.  He does not feel so harassed, and
you will also find out from his attitude if he wants no feedback at all
from you at that time (Or ever--he might be one of those).  And don't
ask more than once a dance or lesson, let up on the poor guy!

Everyone needs praise and encouragement in their relationship to
dance--and everyone can learn to dance if they just "stick with it" so
help them stick with it! :)

Bob Ramsey-Turner wrote:
>
> Lets put a little reality check into this.
> I clearly remember after 8 weeks of beginners lessons. Like most, I was
> taught steps, so I struggled to do the steps and to join one move with
> another. I was a bag of nerves, the most used word in my vocabulary was
> "sorry". I had little or no idea of what my partners  were doing. Probably
> no idea about leading. I did my steps and the lady did hers and somehow we
> sort of did it together. When we were being shown something new, all we
> looked at were the teachers feet, if you were the guy you watched the mans
> feet, if you were the lady you watched the ladies feet, I am purposely
> avoiding using the terms leaders and followers. There was almost no lead and
> follow in the activity. I know this sounds awful, but that's how is was. As
> for understanding the followers axis and which foot she was on, get real,
> never gave it a thought.
> Having read through the above, I am surprised I survived it and I'm still
> around after 4 years. Just starting to improve
> Happy New Year
>
> With kind regards
>
> Bob Ramsey-Turner
> bob.ramsey-turner @quicksilver.net.nz
>
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--
Carol Ruth Shepherd
Arborlaw Associates PLLC
Ann Arbor, Michigan USA
734 668 4646 v 734 822 4646 f
734 786 1241 e fax
http://www.arborlaw.com
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