[TANGO-L] Inside a Beginner Man's Mind

[Michael B Ditkoff <tangomaniac @JUNO.COM>]

I've read a lot of mail about poor leading, defined as wet noodle and not
clear.
I'm NOT going to defend but try to explain what goes on inside a beginner

man's head when he starts taking tango lessons. I'm not an expert but
I WAS a beginner leader.

What might be obvious to teachers and followers is NOT
necessarily obvious to beginner men.

First, as a slight digression, women are like tops. They come in all
sizes,
large, small, round, square, etc. But all tops have something in common.
Their axis is right through the middle onto the spindle. Regardless of
size,
the top spins on its spindle. Now to apply to this women.

When a woman dances, she should be on ONLY one foot (except for paradas
and other figures I can't think of anymore at the moment.) Whichever foot
she is
standing is the spindle of a top. Her axis should be straight up and
down.
However, most men (even those beyond beginner level) are stiff in their
frame.
This means they CAN'T feel which foot the woman is standing (even though
it's
their responsibility to know). They see an instructor lead Salida. They
DON'T see
that the woman is on one foot poised to move and that the lead is subtle.

What do beginner men see? They see 100 pounds of woman, 125 pounds of
woman,
that have to be MOVED, NOT LEAD. Beginner men DON'T understand that a
lead is
an invitation for the woman to step. The woman has to MOVE HERSELF
AFTER she knows where she is to move. The man thinks he's moving
furniture
which requires an OOMPH!!

I don't know how many teachers teach this next point. Even though the man
leads,
the woman STEPS FIRST and the man moves a split second later. As Carlos
Gavito
once said "I lead but I follow." The man matches the size of the woman's
step. If the man
steps first (let's say for Salida) and if his step is larger than the
woman's, HE is now out
of alignment with his partner. If the man steps first, it's probably with
his foot, not his chest.

Now, let's talk about the right arm. The man's right arm should be firmly
around the
woman's back. I place my arm around the small of her back. My arm is part
of my
frame and has to be firm to keep the woman in front of me. (I dance close
embrace.
There are different rules for open position. Since I don't like open,
others can talk about it.)
The right arm has to be snug. My teacher has said numerous times in his
group classes
"That's not being fresh. It's called leading.)

Now to answer complaints about weak leads. I'm interpreting "weak" as
unclear.
Men are NOT known for having the flexibility that women have. I went to
weekly yoga
sessions with a private practitioner for three years. Each week, she
wrung my body like
wringing water out of sponge. I couldn't believe the amount of tension I
collected over the
decades. (NO! I'm NOT telling you how old I am.) Men carry a lot of
tension and think
they are giving clear leads when they are NOT. They have difficulty
rotating their shoulders.
Their leads are probably too much OOMPH!! or not enough ("I don't want to
hurt the woman.")
What's to be done about this?

Women need to tell the men in class "I can't feel your lead," "I don't
know what you want."
If the man can't take feedback, write down his name AND NEVER DANCE WITH
HIM AGAIN!
I'll go out on a limb and say that beginner men don't know how to they
lead. Unless women
correct them, they will become convinced it's the woman who can't follow.
Talking
about following, men should try it. It's not so easy. I remember my
teacher told me
"Wait for the woman. She moves first." The day I finally understood what
he meant
occurred at one of his group classes. A woman led me in ochos. She wasn't
waiting for
me to pivot and come the opposite direction. All she did was step
sideways and
not think of me. That was a wake up call. I learned the expression
"Sweeping the floor with
the woman." The woman is whipped through ochos.

Bottom line: Women need to tell the men they can't determine the lead or
they are
being overpowered. Ladies: You'll be doing the men a big favor!!

Michael
Washington, DC
Only 3 more years before I can retire to New York (unless the federal
government offers early out retirement.)