Re: [TANGO-L] Community Growth: Harmful unsolicited "teaching" & sexual advances

[Razor Girl <dilettante666 @YAHOO.COM>]

>>It isn't anyone's job to "wake them up" .......
>>Just leave them alone and settle your mind.
>>Problem solved.

> I'm not speaking about this for myself. I think that
> most men have no idea
> what its like to walk in a women's shoes & just how
> vulnerable they are in
> some situations & what they're aware of.

Hi guys,
I'll chime in here since I'm a woman.  First off,
unsolicited teaching and sexual advances are two
completely different things and so they should be
handled differently.

My typical approach to unsolicited teaching is, if it
isn't something I want to hear, I ignore it.  If the
person doesn't catch on to my disinterest and I am
still interested in dancing with them then I might
say, "let's just dance" or else just thank them and
stop dancing.  I understand though that it isn't so
easy for women who are just starting out, they are
probably going to take any criticism to heart even if
it was unsolicited and they are probably going to
dance with just about every guy who asks them because
they want experience.  But the thing is, at a milonga,
if a guy asks me to dance I rightfully assume it is
because he enjoys dancing with me and wants to share
that moment with me, not because he wants to test me
out and then critique my performance.  If a lead needs
to instruct his partner on the dance floor then he is
not a good lead.

As for unwanted sexual advances the best way to put
someone in line is to be direct.  Male or Female, if
someone is making you uncomfortable, tell them so.
"You are making me uncomfortable" should suffice.
Stop dancing with them, don't accept dances from them
in the future if you are not comfortable.  In
Portland, we primarily dance close embrace, beginning
women might not feel comfortable with this yet,
becoming a follow requires a lot of trust, you must
feel secure with your partner in order to open up to
him, and embrace him closely and warmly.  Good leads
understand this, it is also fine to dance an open
embrace, this is the woman's choice.

As her friend, Rick, you should be able to introduce
her to good leaders and friendly people.  Beginning
women should always feel that it is okay to be
selective.

Abrazos,
Rose

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