Re: [TANGO-L] equitable treatment for both sexes!!!

["Frank G. Williams" <frankw @mail.ahc.umn.edu>]

Robin and friends,

I like clear ideas well stated!  Like this:

rtara wrote:
> 
> Here1s the deal on who gets the most dances.
> 1 - Gorgeous, Young, Great Dancers
> 2. - Gorgeous, Young
> 3. – Gorgeous
> 4 – Great Dancers

Robin makes some great points about managing social interactions
without hitting leaders upside the head for dances.  But this
is about her perception of leader's priorities, listed above.
Let me address the followers here - particularly those who
prefer an apilado or near-apilado frame when they dance tango.

When I dance with you, what do I see?
1. Your ear and your neck, out of focus, and your hair
2. A portion of your right shoulder, depending on your height
3. Your right hand and arm

What is that?  About 5% of the package that you spent an hour 
preparing before you arrived?  I take that to mean that your
appearance is so carefully groomed for a) (hopefully) your own
satisfaction and b) the appreciation of people who are NOT
dancing with you.

When I dance with you what do I feel?  This loaded question
needn't be taken too deeply to make my point.  
1. Your balance
2. Your lightness from the posture you've been practicing
   so long
3. Your sense of musicality
4. Probably at least once per tanda, your sense of humor
5. ... something about your personality?

When I hear women complain that they don't get dances because
they are not as physically attractive as so-and-so, I am
immediately suspicious.  First of all, women are their own
worst enemy when it comes to understanding beauty.  Second,
I suspect that they may also not be the best judges of their
dance ability *as it may or may not contribute to the FUN of
the leader*. 

With only 5% of your charms (well, you get the idea...) exposed
to the leader's eye, we're far more receptive to appreciate
another kind of beauty!  ...not something you slithered into,
painted or sprayed or brushed on, or even strapped to those
pretty feet.  Sorry ladies, but unless you are willing to give
a peek into your psyche, open your heart a little, go ahead and
TRUST to make 'the connection', the leaders can't appreciate you.

Forget about that pesky strap that won't stay on your right 
shoulder.  Forget about dust on those sexy burgundy suede shoes.
Forget about that whole hour you spent before you arrived.
They have *nothing* to do with whether I will want to dance with
you again.  There is no substitute for a tango connection.

When it comes to dancing tango, if quantity of dances equals
quality of your milonga experience, then ...  I'm sorry.

Un besito,

Frank - Minneapolis

_____________________________________________________________

Frank G. Williams, Ph.D.           University of Minnesota
frankw @mail.ahc.umn.edu            Dept. of Neuroscience
(612) 625-6441  (office)           321 Church Street SE
(612) 624-4436  (lab)              Minneapolis, MN  55455
(612) 281-3860  (cellular/home)