Re: Centering the Follower?

[Michael B Ditkoff <tangomaniac @JUNO.COM>]

Clifton Chow asked (paraphrased):

What can leaders do to help women get in a "kind of Zen state." How could
he help women center themselves, i.e. keep their weight on the balls of
their feet and not in the upper body?

To me, the answer is put the woman at ease. When a woman tells me she's a
beginner, I can feel a tight frame. To put her at ease, I tell her that
dancing tango is not a competition between the partners. Either we both
look good or terrible. It's never a question of one looking good at the
other's expense. Some women say they are terrible, as if they are trying
to convince themselves they can't dance. I just tell them "I'll be the
judge of that." If I can get the woman to laugh, her frame relaxes, her
shoulders open, and we dance well because she no longer feels that she
has to meet an impossible standard she has set for herself.

This might sound strange, but all a woman has to know to dance tango is
walking, crossing, and ochos. A sensitive leader should recognize the
woman's skill level and not go way beyond it. As the woman gains
confidence in dancing, she will relax, enabling the couple to dance more
intricate figures.

But the answer isn't only what can the woman do. The other part is what
can the leader do to put himself at ease. I've been taking yoga for three
ways with great results. The therapist has been able to wring a lot of my
stress out, like water out of a sponge. My private tango teacher reminds
me of the importance of frame. Not only do I communicate the lead to the
woman through my frame, I also communicate any tension through my frame,
hence my need for yoga.

My usual remark to a woman who apologizes for following poorly is "When I
lead better, you'll dance better."

Michael
Not as stressed as he used to be in Washington, DC