Re: Question about line of dance.

[Michael Ditkoff <tangomaniac @JUNO.COM>]

In an earlier message Deborah Holm raised the question about show-off
men. Below is my response.
>
> Dear Deborah:
>
> Thanks for the question. I won't reprint  the article I wrote in the
> "La
> Voz del Tango" magazine but I will repeat that the primarily
> difference
> between most (not all) male and female tango dancers is:
>
>                         Women dance with their hearts.
>
>                         Men dance with their hormones.
>
> Women want emotional connection; to hold and be held. Men, generally
> are
> very competitive and consequently feel they have to be the best,
> executing very difficult figures, even if they can't. And if the
> women
> can't or won't follow, no problem. JUST FORCE THEM!! It took me a
> long
> time to learn that I DON'T have to be the best  technical dancer at
> a
> milonga. (Since that will never happen, what a relief!!)  As long as
> I
> respect my partner, treat her with courtesy, give her what she wants
> (emotional connection), she will then try to give me what I want
> (dance
> with passion, especially difficult figures.)
>
> IMHO, the expression "it takes two to tango" means that both
> partners try
> to satisfy the other. Some men never learn that their partners
> aren't
> having a good time. In some cases, it's because they haven't
> developed
> their sense of feeling and don't feel that the woman is having
> difficulty
> following. In other cases, women continue dancing with these men,
> sending
> the signal "you dance magnificently." It's almost like living with a
> drunk. If you enable a drunk to continue drinking, the drunk will
> never
> get sober because there's no incentive.  If women continue to dance
> with
> men who mistreat them on the floor, the men don't have incentive to
> change.
>
> For some women, BAD tango is better than NO tango. When the opposite
> is
> the case and the message comes through, some men will get the
> message and
> will change. As for the others men ...
>
>
> Michael Ditkoff
> Washington, DC