The Tango-L mailing list archive
Digest from 6 Feb 2000
to 7 Feb 2000
Reply-To: Discussion of Any Aspect of the Argentine Tango <TANGO-L @MITVMA.MIT.EDU>
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Date: Mon, 7 Feb 2000 03:00:03 -0500
Sender: Discussion of Any Aspect of the Argentine Tango <TANGO-L @MITVMA.MIT.EDU>
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Subject: TANGO-L Digest - 6 Feb 2000 to 7 Feb 2000 (#2000-37)
There are 2 messages totalling 206 lines in this issue.
Topics of the day:
1. Chivalry is not dead! True Gentlemen Comportment ! Preqrequisites!
Alternatives! Results!
2. Well! Of all the nerve!
Date: Sun, 6 Feb 2000 08:58:35 EST
From: Arthur Greenberg <AHGberg @AOL.COM>
Subject: Chivalry is not dead! True Gentlemen Comportment ! Preqrequisites!
Alternatives! Results!
Dear Listeros:
The advertisement read, "Wanted! A True Gentlemen.....to dance with me!"
I like to be considered a " true Gentlemen". (Some people think/suspect
that I might not be....because of the fierce battles I engage in on this
List. Haven't you heard of a true Gentlemen defending his honor....sometimes
even to the death!? Oh well! One cannot always see oneself as others see
you.) A true Gentlemen is not to be mistaken for a "true pussycat"! Sir
Gallahad was not a pussycat! Gallant and chivalrous .......but certainly
not a pussycat!
There are many qualifications that one must posess to be considered a "true
Gentlemen". In polite society certain self evident rules persist. Some call
them "traditional". I like to refer them as "common sense"! Particularly
in the enviroment of "social dancing"!
I truly believe that most "milongas" or other ballrooms that hold dances are
the places that require truly gentlemenly comportment. This venue is where
the test of being a true "Gentlemen or a true Lady" " is a simple one
(easily achievable but not necessarily uncomplicated!).
Start with ....... what is simply called consideration of the other persons
feelings. The same rules apply to "Ladies" as well as to men. We are now
considering Ladies and Gentlemen in the true sense of the word(s). What are
the sensitivities involved? What do you have to do to implement and acquire
this "title"? I don't have two hours to express these ideas nor do you
guys and gals want to read something you probably already know but need to
refresh now and then!
It is not a bad assumption to make , that people who attend a social dance
, usually are there because it is a "social" environmentng like, behaving
like, and smelling like a "pig! ( To "pig fanciers", Please forgive me for
referring to pigs pejoratively. No pig pun intended! ) People utilize
social dancing as a tool to socialize with others who have similar reasons
for being there in that social environment. I feel that this is a pretty
good premise that might go unchallenged (even on this list). Getting to meet
new friends and to get to know them better requires "putting your best
foot forward"!
One usually should start with the basics; being very clean and well
groomed is an essential that should be at the top of the list reqirements
but occasionally this gets overlooked. Wear clean clothes on a freshly
washed body.....perhaps with a little bit of spray deodorant. It is a
prerequisite to socialization. I have discovered that there are ladies who
dislike (can't tolerate ) and sometimes are out-and-out allergic to my
after-shave lotion and/or cologne. Likewise for the Ladies who wear heavy
perfume....something that you can smell twenty feet away might be overdoing
"smelling good". Some perfumes make me sneeze! I used to use something
called Jovan. It smelled great to me but it seems that most ladies suggested
that it was overpowering to them. After a while I could not smell the
cologne on me while people who saw me approaching were running for the
emergency exits. I tried using less: then none at all. When I asked the
Ladies opinions about this, the majority of ladies elected, "not at all".
Maybe a little underam spray deodorant "scent-free" might work better. If you
are a "garlic eater" you have to find someone who also eats garlic and
smells the same way you do! Breath mints might help your breath but.....If
you are sweating garlic that you ate yesterday, something more radical might
be required. I love garlic....but I had to give it up so it did not deter
me from having a social life. Also..... Coming directly from work after a
very trying day is no excuse for "smelling badly". Brush your teeth! Use a
mouth wash. Chew mints! Bring a change of shirt both underwear and
outerwear! Do all those things that will avoid your being basicly rejectable
for your failure to adhere to minimum rules of hygiene.
Stay loose! If you cannot be relaxed you will immediately have a "bad mark"
against you. Poise and maturity usually help to give one the courage to
shed anxiety. (I see advertisements lately for a new drug that enhances your
ability to reduce anxiety in social situations. What will they think of
next!) In personal matters in a social situation it is advisable to "do unto
others as you would have them do unto you!." No wonder it is called "the
golden rule"! If you are nice to people, people usually respond by being
nice to you. Be assured that each encounter you have at a social dance can
be extremely important (not only to you but to the people you are
encountering). You shouldn't feel that your manhood is being challenged if
you consent to dance with a female who asks you to dance with her! Be
accommodating. Do so willingly! Not condescendingly. A flat out "No!" can
be as deadly as hitting someone with a baseball bat! It leaves scars on
one's soul! It also would be a nice gesture to dance with those people who
are less than scintillatingly lovely. Give of yourself....freely! You'd be
surprised how much you have to give and how well it will be received.
If you are disabled and exhausted from too much dancing or have already
taken off your dance shoes and are recovering so you can crawl out to your
car, you might have a good excuse to say, Thank you for asking me. but
No!....or if you have already promised this dance to someone else and they
are waiting for you to fulfill your promise you must be sincere and
truthful about this and suggest that you will certainly come back a little
later to take advantage of her/his offer to dance with you. A true
Gentlemen will do his best to express this mini-rejection as apologetically
as is humanly possible. Assume you are dealing with a delicate, fragile human
ego. Tact and diplomacy normally will accomplish your purpose and avoid
devastating another human soul. Personal consideration for the other person
usually is appreciated and if you give freely and generously , you will only
then be considered a "true gentlemen".
Now comes the hard part. Being in a social environment does not give any one
carte blanche license to impose one's self on any other person to the extent
that it takes away one's right to be selective of who one is willing to dance
with!
If you haven't noticed there are beautiful people and not so beautiful
people. I always used to think that the beautiful ladies preferred to dance
with the handsome men. There is some correlation to this idea but I am not
prepared to broach the statistical. It is my considered opinion that I am
not and never have been one of the men who fall into the "handsome men"
category. I used to not bother asking the "dynamite looking ladies" to
dance. I am a realist. I have always strived ( striven) to compensate for
my lack of being considered a "hunk" on first contact with the ladies. My
nose has been broken so many times from rock and sock college sports
contests that I could have easily been mistaken for a pugilist
(pug/fighter). Nature has taken most of my hair away so I have much less to
comb. I therefor, have always considered myself as needing to excel in
other compensating areas such as being a good dresser, getting a better
education, developing a better personality, developing a better social
strategy.. and generally becoming more palatable to the opposite sex in
social situations. It has not always worked as well as I would have liked it
to happen but certainly better than being oblivious or neglectful of
alternatives that I could easily achieve. Notice I haven't placed "being a
better dancer" high up on the list of priorities. But it is would be very
useful if you learned how to dance better! Improvement of one's dancing can
be an important factor but it is not as crucial as you might think compared
to the above basic prerequisites in being considered being a "true
gentlemen"!
End of diatribe! If you have gotten this far you have more patience than I
have!
So long for now!
Sincerely yours,
Arturo
AHGberg @aol.com
West Palm Beach, Florida, USA
Date: Sun, 6 Feb 2000 15:35:43 -0500
From: Melinda Bates <tangerauna @EARTHLINK.NET>
Subject: Re: Well! Of all the nerve!
Dear Charles and List,
Original Message -----
From: Charles Roques <Crrtango @AOL.COM>
>
> I think a person should be sensitive to couples engaged in
conversation
> but how is one to know that it is something serious or romantic aside from
> obvious signs? I don't think it is rude to ask. Why is it so difficult to
say
> no? I am asked sometimes by women to dance even if I am in a conversation.
> But some people chat just to pass the time between dances. And others
can't
> wait to be asked even though they are in a conversation. If either one or
the
> other says yes to a dance then the conversation must not have been
important
> enough to say no.
OK, let's forget "romantic" couples. (Although I still believe anyone who
navigated American high school with moderate success can read this body
language....)
How about this then: the lady is actually having the conversation because
she is hoping to have a dance with this particular gentleman, and is working
all the good advice others on this list have offered. But before she (or
he) can get to that invitation, another lady comes up, asks, and away he
dances. I do not think I am the only person who thinks THAT is rude. It
happens all the time.
I don't mean it's always rude to interrupt a conversation - clearly your
examples show it's not. But just showing a little sensitivity here is a
very good thing. After all, isn't tango a dance for grown-ups?
> But if you really are on a date (but are still dancing with others) I
think
> it is appropriate and advisable to save the last dance, or better yet,
last
> tanda for that special person.
Now you're preaching to the choir!
> Like the old Drifters song says:
>
> "But don't forget who's taking you home and in whose arms you're gonna be.
> So darling save the last dance for me."
I'm no westerner, but I believe the saying out there is "dance with the one
what brung ya."
Melinda
End of TANGO-L Digest - 6 Feb 2000 to 7 Feb 2000 (#2000-37)
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