[TANGO-L] Seduction or imposition

[Bill King <Euroking @AOL.COM>]

It is most interesting to read this current exchange.  Two points come to
mind, the why of dancing Tango and the second, and related the relationship on
the floor.  The caveat I would like to star with is we all start with the
"illusion of the central position".  That is to say that we base our opinions and
judgments on what we know and who we are. How broad we want to expand our
thinking is relative. Why we do things is based on our central position.

With that said, I look at Tango as a beginner, I haven't been to Argentina.
I have had limited exposure to the teachers from there, although I have taken
many different workshops over the last year and a half, as well as classes,
attended milongas.  That is my base or central position.

I arrived at Tango because my wife wanted to dance and wanted me to learn.
We tried swing, salsa and ballroom; none of them were working very well.  Most
students were faster than I in learning the patterns and hearing the music.
To put it mildly, it was not a fun 3 years. I tried American Tango, and while
the music was better is some respect, the expectations and patterns were still
the issue.  I asked my instructor who also taught Argentine Tango what the
differences were.  She proceed to show me in a private class the difference
emphasizing that anything you learned in Argentine Tango could be transferred to
other dance forms, but the reverse was not true.

To say the least, that lesson hooked me.  The music, the connection, the
flexibility, the variety, everything clicked.  But it was the dance that made the
difference, the experience with dancing with different levels of follows; the
feedback or lack of it was fascinating and still is. It is an addiction.
Salon style was the basic style being taught with open embrace being the primary
method, although closed was introduced.  Through the workshops, I have also
been introduced to milongero including apilado, each with their appropriate
challenges.  I have learned to adapt to their basics. But I am still learning and
wish to learn more, I don't intend to exclude any style, though I fully expect
that at some time in the future I will settle on a particular style.

This brings me to a particular point of my learning.  I was told that while I
can control the style I wish to dance, it is the follow that sets the stage.
As I present myself for a particular dance, it is the follow who initially
decides how close she wishes to dance.  I do not pull her closer than she
desires.  If she wishes to dance in an open embrace that is what we will dance
(considering available dance space), as the music progresses this might become a
close embrace salon style.  Likewise, if she wishes, and I wish she might come
to a button-to-button embrace, At that point or slightly before I can control
how close I want to be.  But the key point is that it is the option I am to
allow the follow, since I know my comfort level and dance ability, but I don't
know her's.  So I will not presume.  Closer is always possible if a mutual
comfort level is felt, but if the dance starts in an uncomfortable position, it is
hard to recover.  Since I prefer, as I believe we all do, the dance is to be
enjoyed not fought; mutual agreement with deference to the follow is the best
path.

Bill

Seattle