Re: [TANGO-L] seduction or imposition

[Stephane Fymat <stephane_fymat @YAHOO.COM>]

Oh, I think you can know chemistry instantly at the milonga.  In Argentina,
they talk about "piel" as the physical "something" between two dancers, that
no one can explain, but that many have felt.  I call it the "skin thing".
Even if you have absolutely nothing in common with this person, don't even
speak the same language, etc., "piel" can still move you powerfully.

Stephane
-----Original Message-----
From: Discussion of Any Aspect of the Argentine Tango
[mailto:TANGO-L  @MITVMA.MIT.EDU] On Behalf Of A Coleman
Sent: Thursday, July 28, 2005 3:02 PM
To: TANGO-L  @MITVMA.MIT.EDU
Subject: Re: [TANGO-L] seduction or imposition

Like I said in the original email, no I am not saying they are supposed to
consider any guy as a possible Mr. Right just because they have a nice dance
connection.  If I had to explain further, I would go with:

If you are single, and the guy is single, and the guy wants to take you on a
date, and you like dancing with him, then if you do not want to go on a date
with him you should examine why you don't want to date him.  Either A) you
are a shallow person or B)  he is not the kind of guy you really want to
dance with.

As for the scent, she did not say Chemistry, she said scent.  You , like
most peopel, are assuming and attributing far more reasonable motives and
words than what she expressed.  People always assume that women are not
shallow, and frankly, that is not true at all in my experience.   If she
really meant Chemistry, not just scent, then she should have said so.  But
even so, chemistry is a word often abused by people.

Often people say "We have no chemistry", when they really meant "You are the
uggliest person I have ever seen.", or "I don't date people as
fat/short/pale/... as you"

Yes, chemistry can be a real, "deep" reason to not date a person, but NO,
you can't find out that kind of chemistry in a milonga.  That kind of
chemistry takes time to develop either way, and takes more talking then
typically happens at a dance.  Like say, on a date.

People can of course decide on their own if they want to waste the time of
one date.  The problem is that if you go around with shallow measures of who
you are going to date, you should not be surprised if people call you
shallow.    For ages, women called men shallow for saying things like "I
only date women with large breasts."  The men have the right to do that, but
the women have the right to get insulted, and to tell the men not to be
rude, and to explain why they were being shallow.

Similarly, when women start talking about shallow reasons not to date men,
(like not like the collogne he wears)  I have the right to get insulted and
to tell them don't be so rude, and to explain why you are being shallow.

Also, there is actuall good advice for both men and women here.  People
often don't realize they are being shallow, or the consequences of it.   If
a man only dates thin women with large breasts, he will miss out on a lot of
beautiful, loving, kind women that are not so thin, and have more reasonable
body shapes.   Similarly, when women make shallow choices about who to date,
they generally end up restricting themselves to total scumbags and wondering
"why all men are scum."  No, it is not all men, just the ones you agree to
date.

Finally, I did not lump everyone into those categories. There is a
difference between saying EVERYONE is either Dumb or a Genius, which is what
you accused me of doing, and saying that some people are Dumb and some are
Genius.