Re: [TANGO-L] Ego

[Jonathan Thornton <obscurebardo @gmail.com>]

On 7/19/05, Razor Girl <dilettante666  @yahoo.com> wrote:

[snip]
> I think that in order achieve a satisfying connection
> with someone you have to really open yourself up in a
> way that many people are unwilling or afraid to do.
> And at the same time that you express yourself, you
> need to leave room for the other person.

I suspect there are several different types of connection that can be
variously experienced as satisfying or unsatisfying depending on the
individual.

Another continuum I've been thinking about is the difference between
those who want a dialogue with a partner ( I do something and then
they respond and then I respond to their response) and those who seek
a withness or unity experience in the dance to which I apply the
phrase "dancing the mind of the duet". The first experience is one
that recognizes ego boundaries whereas the second is more about
releasing ego boundaries and allowing a harmony that is beyond
deliberate expression to emerge. Some one like myself who is primarily
motivated by the mind of duet makes a less satisfying partner for
someone who wants a dialogue between selves rather than an experience
of being that is beyond ego. Both modes represent different kinds of
rapport.

> What are your thoughts on this?  How do you personally
> seek to achieve a satisfying connection?  What do you
> think makes it possible to dance with someone in a way
> where each person is self confident and yet at the
> same time open to allowing the expression of the
> other?

These are such good questions. Unfortunately other than knowing to pay
attention, be present and aware in the moment, rapport either happens
or doesn't for me and it remains otherwise mysterious. I do think
experience with meditation might be helpful.

I think of connection as something that can be at least partly made
explicit and taught as part of it is physical. I use the word rapport
for that which goes beyond what can be taught about connection.
Rapport remains a mystery for me. I think of it as the secret that
Borges writes about that is enclosed in tango .

Jonathan Thornton
-- 
"The tango can be debated, and we have debates over it, 
but it still encloses, as does all that which is truthful, a secret."  
Jorge Luis Borges