Re: [TANGO-L] Ego

[Michael <tangomaniac @CAVTEL.NET>]

Rose:
For myself, the power of acceptance is the key to a satisfying connection.
It's NOT a contest of who is the better dancer. When a woman says "I'm NOT
very good," my response is "we're a perfect match" or "I'm a beginner," my
response is "Well, we all have to start somewhere." And when I was terrible,
I needed acceptance from my partner even though I wasn't as good as others.
Carlos Gavito told me in Washington, DC "the more you know, the less you
need." I remember so well a woman who told me when she accepted my
invitation to dance. "Michael, I'd give anything for a man who can walk,
lead ochos, and lead the cross well." And this woman was a fantastic dancer,
way beyond my skill level.

We sometimes put so much pressure on ourselves to dance beyond our skill
level or to match figures somebody else can do, we lose our focus on our
partner. This is called tango poker. Men compete with others on the dance
floor. "I'll see your back ocho and raise you one gancho." The response is
"I'll see your back ocho and gancho, and raise you one boleo." "Yeah, we'll
I'll see you one back ocho, gancho, and boleo, and raise you one
displacement." I've learned the hard way (always the hard way), that my
partner and I dance as a team. One cannot look better than the other. When
the man makes the woman look good, the woman makes the man look good. I
wrote an article in the United States Amateur Ballroom Dance Association
magazine "The man is the frame, the woman is the painting" that describes
this concept.

Sometimes, it has happened to me, the need to impress the partner becomes
more important than connection. I remember so well a New Yorker in Florida
over the Martin Luther King holiday. I thought I knew what close embrace
was. She taught me closer embrace. I didn't want to do anything that would
cause the embrace to open. There was NO figure that was worth breaking the
embrace. I've seen this woman dance in New York and I'm sure she could do
anything I could lead well. But there was no desire to do anything. That's
what Gavito meant!!

Some dancer's motivation seems to be performing. Their show tango just looks
out of place at a milonga. It looks choreographed and not spontaneous. Some
dancers will only dance with "stars" or teachers. I can only guess that
dancing with a "star" or teacher gives them a sense of acceptance the rest
of us mortals can't give them.

Everybody is looking for something different in tango. For some, they are
looking for a relationship off the dance floor and the dance is an audition.
I'm sure others can add examples.

Michael Ditkoff
Washington, DC
Laundry done and packing almost completed for
  NY Tango Festival. Now where did I put my train tickets????


----- Original Message -----
From: "Razor Girl" <dilettante666  @YAHOO.COM>
To: <TANGO-L  @MITVMA.MIT.EDU>
Sent: Tuesday, July 19, 2005 1:58 PM
Subject: [TANGO-L] Ego
>
How do you personally > seek to achieve a satisfying connection?  What do
you > think makes it possible to dance with someone in a way > where each
person is self confident and yet at the > same time open to allowing the
expression of the > other?
>
> Regards,
> Rose
> Portland, OR
>